37 Weeks Pregnant - co-sleeping? room-sharing? bed-sharing? sleep training?
Weekly pregnancy updates from a childbirth educator, doula and mum to 2 little girls. Come and join me on my journey as I share how I’m feeling, how baby is developing, what I’m doing to prepare, and some favourite resources!
We’ve had family from Italy staying for a month, and they went home this week. I also had my last home visit with my last client before my maternity leave. So now I feel I am able to focus on the final preparations for our baby to arrive! There’s not a lot to do, but even so I’m breaking it down into smaller tasks to make it easier to get to. This week’s task was emptying the bassinet in our bedroom and finding storage for all the stuff I’ve been dumping in it! And yes, my babies sleep in a bassinet... I’ve found that the topic of newborn sleep is one of the most hotly-debated on social media and on parenting and new mum forums. Honestly, to my way of thinking it’s actually a pretty straightforward topic. What I mean is...
You should do what works for you and for your baby.
As with everything else around pregnancy, birth and postpartum, when it comes to newborn sleep there are lots of options and opinions, and it’s up to you to weigh up the benefits and risks of each option and decide what is best for you and your baby in your unique circumstances.
Also, please don’t get hung up over definitions.
For some people, co-sleeping means your baby sleeps in the same room as you. For some it means your baby sleeps in the same bed.
For some people, sleep training means you work with your baby’s natural developmental rhythms to help them settle into a regular sleep routine, adapting and changing as they develop and their needs change. Other people, when they hear the phrase “sleep coaching” or “sleep training”, are going to immediately assume you are a monster and you just abandon your baby in a room by themselves when it suits you for them to sleep, and ignore their crying no matter what.
The problem is when people jump to conclusions and start judging and tearing down others without even stopping to clarify the definitions the other is working with.
But do you want to know what I think? It doesn't matter what anyone else’s definitions are, or whether they think you should use the same approach as they do. You should do what works for you and for your baby!
My personal approach…
I know a lot of people who have bed-shared with their baby either at intervals or exclusively from birth to toddlerhood, and believe it’s the best possible option for supporting infant sleep. It’s worked for them, and that’s great. I don’t think it's bad or wrong - if it’s done safely, I don’t have any issue with it at all. But I knew it wouldn’t work for me.
I knew I couldn’t bed-share
I knew if I tried to bed-share I would be constantly worried about falling asleep too deeply and accidentally smothering my baby. That worry would lead to sleeping lightly because I was hyper-aware of baby’s presence. And that would lead to major sleep deprivation, which would prevent me from being able to care for and provide for my baby’s needs. I struggled with severe insomnia about 10 years ago in the lead-up to a health breakdown, and I know how much lack of sleep affects me. It wouldn’t be responsible of me to put myself in that position, or deprive my baby of a functioning mother. Postpartum is already taxing enough without that! So I never bed-shared with my first. I had her in a bassinet next to my bed and would feed her on demand, and then settle her back in her bassinet.
But sometimes you just have to do what works...
My second baby struggled with reflux in the first few weeks after birth and would wake up within minutes any time we put her down to sleep. The only way we could get her to sleep was on or with us, and I did resort to bed-sharing in order to get at least some fragments of sleep. As I anticipated, it wrecked me, but the alternative was not getting any sleep at all!
And the plan this time?
The plan is to go back to my plan A, of getting up to feed baby through the night and settling him back in the bassinet alongside me between feeds. Will it work, or will I end up bed-sharing again for a period? Let’s wait and see!
So what should you do?
What I’ve just shared is my experience. I don’t think you should follow my approach. I think you should look into safe sleep guidelines around bed-sharing, SIDS prevention, etc (see the resource section below). and decide what approach you want to take. And can you adapt and change later on? Of course you can! Once again, it comes down to this: You should do what works for you and for your baby! And don’t let anyone else’s opinions or judgment put you off doing what is right for you and your family.
What symptoms am I feeling?
I saw my pelvic floor physio this week who diagnosed a pain I’m feeling from time to time as pubic symphysis pain. The pubic symphysis is the joint at front and centre between the left and right pubic bones, and it’s not uncommon for it to get aggravated in pregnancy, especially in the later stages. Recommendations include avoiding single leg movements such as lunges or lots of stairs, taking smaller steps when walking (rather than long strides), and keeping your weight evenly distributed over your hips when standing and moving. It’s not been a big deal for me, thankfully. I notice it mostly when changing position in bed after a day that I’ve been walking more than usual.
How has baby been developing this week?
At a rough guess, baby is now 45-47 cm long and weighs 2.7-3.2kg. At this stage of development baby is able to grasp things firmly with their hands. You’ll notice this strong grasp once they’re born when they grip onto your finger!
Baby is now considered early term. The World Health Organisation defines “term” as being from 37-42 weeks, meaning babies born from 37 weeks are no longer considered premature. And at the other end of the range, babies can’t be considered “overdue” before 42 weeks. The magic 40 week due date is not magic at all, it’s arbirtrary.
Baby is most likely head down by now in preparation for birth, and by this stage may even be “engaged”, that is, have the head well down in the pelvis “locked in” and ready for birth. Engagement isn’t a sign that birth is close. Especially for first babies, it’s pretty common that baby’s head will be engaged several weeks prior to birth. For second or subsequent babies, they may not even engage till after labour starts. My baby is head down and engaged, and I think he’s likely to stay that way for a good few weeks yet!
What am I doing to prepare?
I am back to my morning routine of Spinning Babies® birth prep, listening to positive affirmations, and practicing my breathwork! This routine fell a bit by the wayside with having relatives staying, but I did what I could with the capacity I had in those weeks. I don’t regret letting it go as a priority, but I am back to prioritising it every day from now until this baby comes!
My midwife Haylie came over this week for a check-up, and brought along the birth pool kit and the medications to go in the fridge just in case they’re needed at the birth. We chatted all things labour and birth and how I envisage the birth unfolding. So exciting - it feels like it’s all happening now!!
A couple of resources:
Red Nose resource on safe sleeping to reduce the risk of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome)
Red Nose resource on minimising risks of bed-sharing
And that’s it for this week! 🌿💛
[Image credit: Photo by Karina Syrotiuk on Unsplash]