25 Weeks Pregnant - the importance of preparing for postpartum as a first-time mum
Weekly pregnancy updates from a childbirth educator, doula and mum to 2 little girls. Come and join me on my journey as I share how I’m feeling, how baby is developing, what I’m doing to prepare, and some favourite resources!
I have been thinking a lot this week about my biggest regret after giving birth to my first baby. The birth was fantastic, so much more empowering than I could have imagined. Just amazing! But the postpartum? That was a big shock. I had been so focused on preparing for birth, but nobody had prepared me for what to expect postpartum. This happens to so many mums. And it’s stopping right here!! Any of my clients will tell you that although my focus is birth prep, I always spend time teaching you how to prepare for postpartum. I want you to have a realistic idea of what to expect and know some strategies and resources you can have in place so that you can thrive in postpartum, rather than barely surviving. I think a big part of it is being mentally prepared for what’s coming. Let me give you a brief summary...
Physical recovery
Most likely your health provider will touch on what to expect with postpartum bleeding, tips for perineal healing, and recovery from C-section if that is applicable, so I won’t go into detail on that here. If you’re planning to breastfeed they will likely offer a minimum of breastfeeding support, and may touch on some of the other things below. However, their time is limited, and they aren’t able to cover everything.
Hormones
You have had super-high hormonal levels through pregnancy, but what happens after birth? They drop. And I mean plummet. It’s not a gradual process, it’s very sudden, and it can be very unexpected (but not after you read this!). This will typically happen around day 3 postpartum when your milk comes in, and if you’re not expecting it, this can be really unsettling. You have been on a birth high and then all of a sudden you’re feeling sad for no reason, and you feel like a terrible mum because you do love your baby to bits and you don’t understand why you’re feeling like this. It's your hormones, my dear. Know to expect it, make sure your partner knows too, and give yourself grace as your hormones settle back down. This sense of feeling “down” for “no good reason” is often referred to as the “baby blues”. As we said, it’s driven by hormones (with severe lack of sleep on the side!) and won’t last. However, if keep feeling like this and just aren't able to find any joy in life, please seek support as soon as possible!
Afterpains
This is the term used to describe the sensations of your uterus contracting postpartum as it works back down to the pre-pregnancy size. Afterpains can be quite intense, will typically take place while breastfeeding, and shouldn’t last past more than about a week postpartum. These are more common if it’s your second or subsequent baby, but something to be aware of! Also good to know that as a first-time mum you are less likely to experience them!
24/7 dependence
A newborn is literally dependent on their parents 24/7. And if you’re breastfeeding, most of the contact time is with you. It’s hard to understand the sheer magnitude of this till you experience it, and it can be quite overwhelming. YOU are the parent. This is no longer somebody else’s baby you can cuddle and give back. This baby depends on YOU. Dads, please support mum as much as you can. If she is breastfeeding or pumping she is literally giving of herself to nourish your child, and she needs your support. Be on hand for burping and changing baby. Be available to settle baby for a couple of hours between feeds so mum can recharge with a nap. Take care of or delegate all the household tasks (cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc.), so that mum doesn't have that mental load and can focus on newborn care while resting and recovering as much as possible.
Breastfeeding
Breastfeeding is a full-time job in the early weeks. When a baby is born their stomach is super tiny, and they can only take in a little at a time. Mum’s incredible first milk, called colostrum, is a thicker substance and newborns can take a while suck enough to satisfy them. But then they digest that and they're hungry again. It so often seems that you’ve barely finished feeding before baby is ready for the next feed! When mum’s “normal” milk comes in around 3 days postpartum, baby adapts to that. But with a tiny stomach, feeds are still very frequent as baby satisfies their hunger and works with your body to increase your milk supply. Around 4-6 weeks, baby’s stomach has stretched significantly and your milk supply has grown and stabilised, and feeding is less of a full-time rhythm. Baby drinks faster, and stays fuller for longer. Please know that breastfeeding should never be painful, and don’t hesitate to contact a lactation consultant if you have any issues! Also, the Australian Breastfeeding Association has a free hotline open 24/7 which you can ring for advice and support. 1800 MUM 2 MUM (1800 686 268).
Relationships
Tying back to the fact that baby is dependent 24/7, this can affect a couple’s relationship significantly. When you’ve been used to being able to hang out together and chat whenever, having to maintain a focus on someone else’s needs can be quite a shock to the system. This can be quite a test of your sacrificial love for each other. But please know that the overwhelming intensity of the newborn phase doesn’t last forever (typically around 6 weeks for feeding patterns to settle and sleep rhythms to start to be a little more consistent). Yes, life will still be different after that, but you will start to be able to find your rhythm and get some more sleep. Be patient with and supportive of each other as you work through it all together! You are a team! Also, even in the intense days, try to make a point of having some 1:1 time while baby sleeps (even just 10 minutes!)...even if what you most want to do is just go to sleep. You will be glad you made the effort to connect!
Sleeping
But they just sleep like a baby, right? Well... some newborns have quite long sleep stretches right from the beginning, but for the majority it’s not like that. If you as a parent have been used to having a good solid night’s sleep, going night after night on a couple of hours here and half an hour there will be a massive shock to the system. You just settle baby and doze off to sleep and then they’re awake again. Or perhaps they just won’t settle and you’re pacing around feeling like a zombie trying to rock them to sleep while you try to stay awake so you don’t drop them. It can be quite brutal. Some couples will do shifts, where one parent takes the baby so the other can sleep, and then they swap. For others, it works best for mum to get up to baby through the night so dad can sleep and have the energy to take care of everything else during the day. Whatever works for you, at least one parent is almost certainly NOT going to be getting adequate sleep at night for the first few weeks. Do make sure you have support regularly during the daytime so that you can have a decent nap.
5-5-5 rule
Most cultures have traditions around postpartum recovery for mum, where she is fed healing foods and taken care of for 2-6 weeks to give her a good kickstart to recovery, breastfeeding and bonding with baby. Unfortunately Western culture has done away with this, and women are lead to believe they should be able to jump up after birth and do everything right away. Don’t do it!! Even if you are feeling great, please at least adhere to the “5-5-5 rule”. First five days in bed, next five days on the bed, next five days near the bed. In other words, for the first 2 weeks, really focus on resting and recovery and bonding with baby. That’s intense enough as it is without adding all the rest in! And you need to plan for this. Prep freezer meals in advance or have a meal train organised. Have support with the household tasks from friends or family or from a postpartum doula. This isn’t the time for you to be “doing it all”. It's the time for you to be resting so you can be the best mum you can be to your new baby.
And if you feel like you’re failing?
Let me just gently correct you. You are NOT failing. You are doing your absolute best, and you are giving more of yourself than you ever knew you could give. It’s an intense season, it won’t last forever. Give yourself grace, get all the support you can, and prioritise your physical and mental health and wellbeing. After all, baby's wellbeing depends on you, so you need to look after yourself! ❤️
What symptoms am I feeling?
I’m feeling a lot of movement, having fun manoeuvring my growing belly (especially in bed!), and getting Braxton Hicks occasionally. Besides that nothing of note this week!
How has baby been developing this week?
Baby is around 34cm and 760g; by now they can recognise voices and hear music! Something fun (and useful) is to have a special song you sing to baby every day. Once they are born and adjusting to the outside world, they will recognise that as a familiar sound from back when they were in their safe space, and it can be very soothing.
What am I doing to prepare?
I’d say nothing special this week, “just” the routine Spinning Babies, breathing and hypnobirthing exercises. But to be honest I am really thankful that I have a good routine going with these and am able to get to them all regularly. I know it will have a big impact on my birth experience, as it has in my previous births!
Favourite resources:
“The Postnatal Depletion Cure” by Dr Oscar Serrallach. Read this before you give birth if you can!
Look into postpartum doula support, and book some if you can! If cost is an issue, consider buying some baby items secondhand rather than brand new to be able to invest in support.
And that’s it for this week! 🌿💛
[Image credit: Photo by Jonathan Borba on Unsplash]